At the beginning. Again.

Written by Kate • December 3, 2018 •
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HERE I SIT

Here I sit at 6:25 in the morning. My 3.5 year old twin toddlers appear to be sleeping in for once. I think I may have 10 minutes in which to start this blog before the whirlwind of my day starts.

I’ve effectively been up since 3:55 when my daughter slid into bed with me, cold but unwilling or unable to pull up her blanket and cover herself and drift back to sleep in her own bed. I snoozed fitfully with her in the crook of my arm until 4:30 when I put her back into her bed. I finally got out of bed around 4:50, made some coffee, and started meditating for an hour at 5am. So, like so many parents, my days and nights are not my own. I work around the needs of my family.

BEGINNING AGAIN

But here I sit, nonetheless, determined to start. I am writing this to begin again living a life of purpose and meaning after hitting my own personal bottom, living far differently than I feel is the way I want to live my life.

I’m at the end of the line for me. I surrender. I’m finally ready to listen to the guidance I get all the time but don’t listen to because I’m afraid or it’s inconvenient to the way I think life should be going. But as Anais Nin, it hurts more to stay the same than change.

I know that I am responsible for both the way I’m spending my life now, in ways that make me unhappy. And I know I’m fully responsible for living in a way that better suits who I am. No blaming. No victimhood. Just what I hope is an honest assessment of how I got here and what the path toward a new way of living looks like.

THE TURNAROUND

This is the story of my turnaround. How I’ve gotten fit. How I’ve healed. How I’ve dropped my story, let go of my frantic clutching of the shoreline, and allowed myself to drift into the flow and mystery of life. To be still. To listen to God’s/the Universe’s whispers. How I feel abundant. How I’ve begun meditating for an hour a day, every day. How I finally hear the clear input from my body when it’s providing a clamoring “NO”. How I finally tell the truth and have driven off all those who don’t like the real me. Here I am. Jumping off into the unknown. Leaping without the net, believing it will appear when I need it.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

A little housekeeping: Of course you’re going to assess my words and my telling of this story. I get it. Which means you’re going to judge me. Judge away! And if you find me lacking and you’ve totally got this all dialed in, yay! I am seriously happy for you.  And if you feel so inclined to let me know in the ways I’ve done it wrong, then this blog isn’t for you. If you’re going to leave a comment, the comment must be something that you’d be willing to say to me to my face, in my own home. The internet can such a cruel place. So let’s not do that. Leave a comment, please! Just remember to be kind. Mean or truly unhelpful comments will be deleted and trolls will be banned.

I’ve written this on Oct 18, 2018. The plan is to release this into the wild after about 6 weeks of living this new way. I look forward to this journey. I hope you enjoy it too.

 

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