Kate Allen

Noticing What Comes in the Stillness

Written by Kate • May 20, 2020 •
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As I grapple with the effects of the lockdown during the COVID 19 pandemic, I noticed that I moved away from my practice of stillness and started to fret about the future, the future in terms of the economy and whether or not schools will start up in the fall.

My general plan has been to be a stay at home Mom with limited hours invested in this business until kindergarten. My twins would both be entering kindergarten and much of my day would then be freed up to spend how I choose. It’s like I set up school starting as some sort of finish line in terms of an end point of spending the vast majority of my time on watching and tending to my kids.

It was a goal line, I see now. The image that springs to my mind is of carrying both kids and finally reaching the start of school and placing my kids down on the other side as they start their school adventures.

And then the pandemic arrived. Schools closed. The future is now so uncertain, as it always is, but now it is transparently so.

I notice what the thought of no school in the fall means to me. At first it was honestly close to sheer panic and complete resistance. Noooooooo, screamed my mind. But after allowing myself some time to freak out and to really mourn the potential loss of my plans, I have also assessed and planned for what we’ll do if the schools do close and remain remote learning focused. I know my rising kindergarteners are in no way prepared for a year of remote learning. Not at all. So we’ll home school them. It just is what needs to be done for us as a family and we can do it, with some sacrifice and changes to our focus and schedules.

I see what rises when I try to resist what is. For me, when I’m pushing up against reality and trying to change it, I can actually sense the feeling of pushing against my forehead from the inside of my skull. It’s like I’m pushing on an accelerator and pushing pushing pushing against what is to impose my will against what reality is presenting me with.

As soon as I notice the pushing, I just drop it and drop my attention into my body. A sense of ease arises and I notice it feels better to rest in the moment rather than drop into unconsciousness and try to force reality to be different.

It is an enduring truth that we suffer when we try to make reality different what it is. We have expectations. They arise and they fall away. By hanging on to our expectations no matter the reality and changes we are presented with, we suffer. Drop your expectations. Drop your clinging to certain outcomes. You will feel lighter and the suffering stops.

Rest in the stillness. Listen to what it brings.

What Is The Stillness Trying to Tell You?

Written by Kate • May 18, 2020 •
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I’m reading Glennon Doyle‘s Untamed and I’m mesmerized by her writing, her stories, and the power of her voice. What a book. I highly recommend it.

I got into the bath Friday night after an amazing 4 hour session of mowing our yard, listening to Brooke Castillo’s podcasts. I just love her work and the sense of fellowship to help support me and remember to continue to manage my mind, especially during the COVID-19 lockdown and the isolation it brings. When it’s just you, your partner, and young kids, if you don’t manage your mind, you can slip into old patterns and it can be far too long until you notice you’ve gone unconscious. So I stay frosty and bolstered, listening to Brooke.

And then, in the bath to wash off all that grass and soak my weary yet satisfied bones- I really do love to mow, to get out there in the sun and the solitude and nature- and the fruits of my labor are obvious and immediate with the fresh mow lines and beautiful space for my kids to run and play.

I read the first third of the book in the bath. I was riveted. I was slayed. I got verklempt and I am so profoundly grateful to Glennon for using her time and her voice to create this masterpiece. What a book.

There is a section in the book where she talks about sinking into the space underneath it all, mainly in her meditation sessions but also in her every day life. Her words help outline the inexplicable. If you haven’t ever sunk into the silence and connected with Source/with God, then this might be just an interesting story.

For me, it felt like coming home, chatting with someone who really gets what you’re going through. And her explanation of the results of that connection, that “liquid gold” she talks about. I get that too. For me, it’s not liquid gold, it’s liquid silvery light. But yes, I get her.

The tag line of my website that I established in 2011 is Stillness. Clarity. Purpose. And Glennon talks about how she loves to Be Still and Know. Yes, sister, yes.

What is the stillness trying to help you know?

It’s ok to rest.

Written by Kate • May 15, 2020 •
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The world can feel a little crazy, even when we’re not in the middle of a pandemic. People protesting wearing masks. People saying this interview was deceptively edited. No, it was this interview from the other side of the aisle that was.

People saying “you people are doing this” and those people saying “are you crazy, you people are doing this”. It kinda makes you wonder about the very nature of reality. But really, it’s just the brain doing what it does: make up stories to fit our current belief system.

It’s your choice to believe your brain or not. But that’s yesterday’s post.

Today I’m just popping in to say it’s ok to take a break, no matter what anyone tells you about that. Take a rest. Breathe. Get a bit of distance in order to get centered and understand the nature of illusion.

The breaks from the sound and fury in your social media feed help you break free from illusion.

And napping helps too. It’ll all be there when you’re rested.

Stop Believing Your Thoughts. Your Brain Lies.

Written by Kate • May 14, 2020 •
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Although I know this, I keep having to learn it. Yesterday was an interesting day, full of lessons I’ve already learned but get to keep learning in new contexts. Yeah! (Not!)

What Are Your Old, Familiar Thought Loops?

I have young kids and they don’t seem to want to clean up after themselves. Their toys are everywhere. The spilled juice spots are multiplying every day, like rabbits. Their kitchen table chairs are stained. I’m noticing all of that and then my brain appears to be saying, oh, we’re doing that? Cataloguing all the things that need to be “fixed”? “Addressed?” “Done?” It says, great, I’m in! Let’s do this! We’re so good at it!

These thoughts started to swirl, coming up faster and faster: I have to mow. I have to do my yoga. I have to relax. The kids need attention. When will I have time to prepare dinner? You know, it’s been a long time since you changed their sheets. Their bathroom sink is a mess. When will you have time to run to Costco? Have you called (my) Dad recently? You need to tweet more! What else did we plan to do today? Will it get done today? And on and on and on.

Next thing I know, my stomach is clenching up, my shoulders are hunched, and I’m “checking” FB for an hour, and I’m resisting urges to have a glass of wine at 4pm or snack just before dinner. Now my plan for the day is definitely blown because at no point did I budget an hour for random FaceBook mindlessness.

What Have You Made These Thoughts Loops Mean and What Are Your Resulting Feelings?

As soon as I muster enough consciousness to put the phone down and become aware of my thoughts, I spiral into overwhelm and despair and old familiar thoughts like, “see, I told you you can’t get it all done.” “There’s too much to do and you’ll never get it all done.” “just stop trying”.

Become Aware of the Thoughts and Detach From Them

But with lots of practice, I know what to say. First, I feel compassion for this part of my brain and I send love and compassion to it. No more hating on any aspect of me. No more derision. Just love.

So I notice the thoughts and I notice myself starting to believe the old familiar thought loops and now I just say, “No”. “That’s not true and it’s never been true”. I treat it like a child and say, “we can think better thoughts”. “Let’s stop with old familiar thought loops WHICH HAVE NEVER HELPED EVER”.

And honestly, I feel like my brain (like toddlers) gave me a sly smile and it felt something like relief for my brain to know that I’m charge and I won’t let this thought loop continue any longer.

Find the Thoughts’ Opposite and Try Those Thoughts On

Because I know about the mind and how it is constantly seeking evidence to support our belief systems, once I’m aware of my thoughts, I like to try a version of the Turnaround, from Byron Katie’s The Work.

I take a thought and come up with its opposite. For example, “there’s so much work to be done, I’ll never get it all done”. The opposite of that for me is “I can get everything done that needs to get done so long as I keep at it, slow and steady. Not everything needs to get done right now.” And I start to think of all the things I have gotten done and I find evidence to support this opposite thought. I think how I’ve accomplished so many tasks that I’ve wanted to and itemize all that I’ve done: kept meditating for over an hour daily for the past 3+months, added in mowing to my schedule, keeping up with my yoga, listening to the podcasts that support me, and on an on with evidence to support this opposite thought.

And I find the opposite thought and evidence to support the opposite thought for several of the other thoughts, as necessary. And I remind myself that I don’t need to believe my thoughts. Or even continue to follow my thought loops and whirlwinds, while the mind just keeps chattering away at me like my 5 year old. On and on with the stories. And not much of it is true. Or important. My brain and my 5 year old just want to keep talking to me.

Detaching From Your Thoughts Shows You Their Powerlessness

As I continue to detach from my thoughts, like Eckhart Tolle exerts us to, I again become aware of just how unimportant my thoughts are. How inaccurate. How repetitive. How unnecessary so many of them are. And I just drop my need to follow them and I focus on doing what’s before me, the laundry, the mowing, cleaning up the spills, the writing.

In Comes Presence

And when I move my focus from my thoughts to the task at end, a joy steals in to my body and I no longer am thinking about a past that’s gone and a pretend future that will never make me happy in the present. I’m just here. And I drop the story and rest in the task.

So much joy here in this moment.

Nothing You Do Will Fill The Empty Hole in Your Heart

Written by Kate • May 12, 2020 •
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I, like most other people, search here and there, near and far for something, ANYTHING to fill that hole in my heart. You may not yet be acquainted with that hole but it’s there. It’s the one that tells you need to be richer, thinner, more successful, striving, in a relationship, married, divorced, a parent, highly educated, or anything other thing that will make you better, make you different than you are now.

But all of that is a lie. The hole in your heart will not ever be filled by anything you do to fill it. And that’s why you’re over drinking, over eating, over spending, or on social media too much, doing anything that gives you some relief from that message that you’re not enough right now, as you are.

You are all you’ll ever be and and anything you’ve ever wanted to be is already inside of you. Now is the time to stop trying to fix yourself. There is nothing you have to “DO”. Instead, it’s time to be. Be yourself. Be present.

Be aware of the hole in your heart that is yours to heal through simple awareness of it and presence.

Be. Here. Now. There is no future that will heal you and no past that wounds you. Just timeless presence to what is right now.

Practice that for long enough and all the thoughts you have about being better and the utter suffering that arises from that will simply vanish. It will be replaced by boundless joy for longer and longer moments.

Stop doing. Start being.