Archive for the ‘Gratitude’ Category

What Do They Think?

Written by Kate • September 14, 2011 •

Image Thanks to Christian Revival Network

I was on the phone today with a friend who is making some decisions in his life. He knows what he wants, he knows how to get where he wants to go, and he’s got a plan. The one thing that is holding him back is the worry and fear he has for what “they” will think. Will “they” think he’s being silly pursuing this dream? Will “they” still be his friends? Will “they” disapprove and think badly of him?

“They” have a lot to say and “they” can rule your life if you let them.

Who are “they”, though?

“They” are voices you hear in your head that are, in fact, all the worries, fears, criticism and negativity you’ve ever encountered, both from yourself and from others in your life, that has stuck with you. “They” are the thoughts and ideas that keep you living small.

I had a run with what “they” thought recently myself and I was glad to experience it again so I could banish it from my mindset.  I got a speeding ticket in town the other day. I was trying to play an audible book on my iPhone and I wasn’t paying attention. After I got the ticket, I drove away and realized I was feeling a surprising sense of shame about the ticket.

So I examined my thoughts, as Byron Katie would advise, and I realized that I was thinking about what “they” would think. As in, “they” will think badly of me because I got this ticket. I shook off the belief by going through the exercises below, pulled another part of my power into my own solar plexus [having unknowingly left this little bit external to me for too long], and continued on my way, stronger for the experience. I was actually happy I got the ticket. How else would I have known I thought that?

If you realize that you care too much about what “they” think, here are some tips I’ve used to overcome the feeling that I’ve just failed to live up to some unknown rule:

#1.- Ask yourself who “they” are.  Sometimes the voice of what “they” would think is actually something I would imagine my mother, my friend, my sister, my partner, or some specific person in my life would say to me if they were with me physically in the moment.  It can help to know you’re channeling your mom’s voice from 20 years ago, for example.

And once you know who they are, you can actually have a conversation with that person [in your head] and let them know that they no longer have the power to control your actions. And ask yourself if “they” would really want you to live your life in small and unhappy ways based on something they said but that you interpreted differently than what they said. And if the answer is no, then you can wrap yourself in the feeling that really, “they” want you to be your best. And if the answer is yes, they do want you to live small, then it’s time for you to do some work on being OK with disappointing people and removing the power they have over you. You’ll have to do that at some point any way. So why not now?

#2.  Ask yourself why what “they” think is more important that what you think. This one may seem obvious but what it really does is get at your need for approval, your deep fears of rejection or not being good enough, and your sense of personal power [or lack thereof]. The answer to the question about why what “they” think is more important than what you think is a true sign post to what’s going own with you and your power center.

#3. Feel where the power of worrying about what “they” think is. You can almost feel that when you worry about what “they” think -or a specific person in your life- you’ve given your power away. Your power over the situation is external to you and that’s why you feel so shaky about going against what “they” will think.  Once you’ve gone through the thought exercise of points 1 and 2 above, imagine absorbing the power that had been outside of you right into your third chakra, your solar plexus, and owning the decision on how you’ll proceed.  With this act of pulling your power into you, you’ll feel surprisingly more powerful and grounded than you had.  It can be a bit of a rush!


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Love Where You Are

Written by Kate • August 22, 2010 •
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Photo used with permission by EG Focus

I’ve read so much about how it’s best if we can be happy about where we are, even though we’re not in our perfect job, or if we’re drowning in debt, or dealing with a serious health issue, or any of the millions of things that normally choke us and make us feel unhappy. These things make us feel so unhappy right now, in this moment, because life in this moment is NOT GOING WELL [yelling for emphasis on how it feels at times like these].

I’ve been in this place more times than I’d care to admit. Overweight, in debt, hating my job, I had them all. So I have often wondered how on earth we’re supposed to be happy or grateful about where we are. This attitude was really beyond me in the panic and the fear I felt with abundance of lack I was encountering. Boy, was there lack! Not enough money and my job is so very much unfulfilling and not where I want to be.

Despite my situation, I was able to put in place then many of things that make me grateful and happy now. I moved into a lovely home. I have space, quiet, and country surrounding me on a daily basis. I can see the stars and moon each night as I enjoy my surroundings [well, when it’s a starry or moon filled night. Otherwise I enjoy the night sky!] I have erased most of my debt and see the way forward to a near future when I will be debt free. How wonderful!

And so here I am, still with all my remaining issues, especially about my job. But somehow in the past several weeks I’ve been able turn my perception around about my job so that I’m truly grateful for it and if not happy with it, I can see now that it is exactly what I asked for at the time- read that again – it is everything I requested it to be-; stable, well-paying, not something I’m wrapped up in so I walk away each night and leave the office at the office, and with enough time that allows me to figure the what it is I want to do with my life,  to see  the way forward. So even though I’m in the exact same job I’ve been in for so long that literally at times made me despair of myself, my future, and my ability to be happy, I am truly grateful for my job. I’m not pretending to be happy about it because it doesn’t make me happy. But by letting go of the hate, despair, and total 100% resistance to what is, I find myself with a lighter step, an outlook that allows for deep gratitude and therefore great peace, and I find myself now intending outcomes from that same place, which is of gratitude, more peace, and a lot of acceptance. It’s been a lovely change and one that I wish for you all.

I was able to find gratitude and acceptance of my job by listing the positive things about my jobs. My first attempt at this was essentially a bust but another attempt elicited a few things, like an income and new friends. Further attempts at finding the positive made me aware that this job was exactly what I asked for at the time. So how could I not accept it and be grateful for this job that it showed up when I was asking for it, even if I didn’t know at the time what the effects of asking for this would entail. I certainly can manifest my desires!

So if you’re in that spot, where you could drown in the despair of one more day of getting up and going to that job, that it and life are nearly intolerable, consider this. You have some choices. The first is that you can quit. Just walk away. The second is that you can stop resisting that you have brought this job in your life. You can get to a place where you have some peace, some acceptance of what is. It’s best to begin to manifest or intend new outcomes from this place rather than from despair.  By sitting with myself and honestly listing out the things that I like or at least find good about my job has gotten me here, and it’s a place I hope you can get to too.

So start small. What are the things you love about the job you’re trying to leave? Can you come up with 1 thing?  That’s a great start for today.  And tomorrow, can you come up 3 things? And next week, how about 10? Try it today and see if it brings you any change in mindset, or additional clarity.

I think you’ll find that by listing out and focusing on these positive aspects of your job, you’ll find a lightness in your heart and as resistance slips away, you can get to the place where you want to be; grateful, at peace, free of resistance.

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