So You’ve Manifested A Bunch of Stuff. You’re Still Not Happy. Now what?

Written by Kate • October 19, 2017 •
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Divine BelovedLike many of us, I was introduced to the ideas of manifesting and co-creation through watching The Secret, learning about  Abraham-Hicks, and reading Mike Dooley (Thoughts Become Things). It makes a lot of sense to me, that our thoughts become things, that where are attention goes, so energy flows. It just clicked with me. So I was able to use it more consciously in my life for a lot of things (but, of course, not everything -which is another story). And here’s the thing. It appears I can manifest with the best of them. But I would not say that my life any better for it. As I write in my detail below, I have moved away from directly trying to manifest things and situations in my life and into surrendering to the mystery instead.

Examples of Manifestation

So that you know I’m not a talking head about manifesting, I’ll list a few of the things I have manifested in my life. As you’ll see, I say this without pride or a personal sense of accomplishment.

A Life of Travel

While at undergrad, I decided I wanted to live in another country. It took a few years but I was able to easily make it happen and ended up living in Paris my senior year. It definitely was a fork in the road for me and cemented my love of travel. From there, I joined Peace Corps and lived in West Africa for two years. I then found a job in international development where I traveled much of the time but realized I prefer to travel for pleasure. And I’ve kept at it. Just this year, I spent six weeks in Bali and a month in Italy (all with our 2 year old twins). It’s simply who I am (for now). I am a person who loves travel and I travels a lot.

New Jobs

Throughout my early career, as I cast around for what I wanted to “do” with my career/life, I was still unsure of what I wanted out of my work life. At one particular job, after having seen the Secret and understanding more about manifestation,  I asked “the Universe” for a new job and even wrote out a resignation letter with a specific date (which was about 4 months into the future) and saved it onto my computer. While putting out my resume and searching for the new job without a lot of effort on my part, I then got the offer for a job I thought I wanted and submitted that original resignation letter, having to only change the date from my original resignation later by about 3 weeks. I was amazed that it had worked.  But because I had asked for a job but hadn’t been specific that it was in a warm and supporting environment or that it feed my soul work or anything else that was supportive, I got what I asked for and disliked this “job”. So I put out into the Universe new resignation letters a few more times so as to get new and “better” jobs. My intentions each worked within a month of the date I used on the new resignation letters for each new job.

A House in the Country

In 2008, as my 93 year old grandmother had another stroke and her DNR was implemented, I flew out to be with my grandma and family as my grandma passed. I stayed with a cousin (Hi Robin!) during that week. As I laid in my bed in her guest room, deer and a flock of wild turkeys passed by my open sliding glass door. Something in me zinged. I told Dion, my partner, then, “I want this”. He couldn’t believe it because I was such a city girl up until that very moment. It took me about a year to line everything, including changing Dion’s mind about moving out of the city into the Virginia exurbs, but several  months later, we had packed up and were out in Purcellville on 3 acres. We’ve now settled another 10 miles west in Round Hill, VA on 6 acres. Wild turkeys, deer, and foxes are nearly daily occurrences here. I have the same view here as I did from my cousin’s guest room.

Becoming a Mom

I had two pregnancies each end at six weeks. I kept trying but it never happened naturally again for me. And then, while in India (love to travel!) with two new friends I met at an Ayurvedic retreat, they asked me why I never had kids. They were kind. It was genuine and caring inquiry. And I lost it- just cried and cried and cried. It was at that moment that I realized there was more here than I realized and I focused on the reality of truly trying to get pregnant or let it go. For many of the years prior to my trip to India, I hoped I’d get pregnant but avoided actually feeling my feelings. It was all too painful.  But after that conversation in India,  by sitting with the idea of living the rest of my life without kids, I realized I didn’t want to let the idea of being a mother go.

I didn’t want to bring children into the world unless it was the right decision. I was 45 and I was scared to do the “wrong” thing.  For one of the first times in my life,  I asked the Divine to only allow me to get pregnant and have children if it was in my highest good and their highest good. Please don’t let this happen if it’s not the right thing for the child(ren) or for me. We went in for fertility treatment. First try, it worked. It was not quite two years later from the chat with my friends in India that I gave birth to the most magnificent set of twins.

As a side note, while in India, the three of were discussing children and our desires for having a child. One of those friends gave birth a month after me, with her due date just 4 days after mine (if my twins had been a singleton like hers) and the other friend gave birth almost exactly one year later than us. Wondrous timing.

Astonishing Manifestations

The previous manifestations may seem like average changes, that with applied will and effort, it would be easy to manifest these types of life events. But the following is a partial list of astonishing manifestations that just could not have been planned and definitely meant that wheels were turning behind that scenes at a much higher level than I could ever imagine.

Work at Home Job Offer

I had been able to manifest new jobs seemingly whenever I needed to.  But because job after job was never satisfied for long, I started to realize that I needed to more specific about what I was looking for in a job. At my second to last job, I had become increasingly unhappy with the commute, the job, and the work environment. It was so toxic, and senior management was actively encouraging gossip, back biting, and criticizing colleagues and peers in closed meetings. After two years, Ijust wanted out.

At the time, I truly thought that what I needed was more time to devote to building my own business and I needed a job that allowed me to work at home so that I could free up the two+ hours  I was using to commute to my soul sucking job every day. (I laugh now at how narrow my request was. Why didn’t I ask for help with creating my business? Or the money to help me launch a business so I didn’t have to work? But no, I focused solely on working at home as my vision for what I needed next. Baby steps.) I didn’t know how I was going to get a work-from-home job but I again wrote up my resignation letter and included a date. But this time,  I wrote about how the opportunity to work at home was more than I could pass up and it was an exciting next step.  Because I couldn’t figure out how to even begin looking for a job at home, I simply wrote the resignation letter, dated it, saved it, and kept on visualizing about working from hoping an idea would come to me about what to do next.

A month or so later, I got a call from an ex-colleague who had gone on to work at another organization. I hadn’t seen her in a while and she certainly didn’t know about my visualizations or desire for a job working from home. She then proceeded to tell me that she knew of a small business that was in search of someone with my talents but the job was in another state. So I would have to work from home. I was absolutely astounded and amazed.  She couldn’t have known I wanted to work from home or even that I was looking a new job.

I met with the owner of the business and handed in my original resignation letter and only had to change the date by about two weeks. I never actually looked for the job and made no effort to secure a new job other than visualizing it with all my heart.

Additional Income

As I mentioned earlier, I enjoy traveling. I also want to give back  so early in my career I got a job  doing international aid work for a USAID contractor. I started traveling to Africa, Asia, and the Caribbean. It was great and it was lonely. Over time, through not paying attention to my finances and by taking several trips and buying lots art from the places I was visiting, I had amassed a large debt on my credit cards, $5,000. I had no idea how I’d pay it off.

I started noticing that every time I planned a visit to see my family in either California or Indiana, a trip for work came up. (I know there is a larger point to the work trips coming up for the exact timeframe as my intended visit to my family but that is a different story. This is the story about the boost to my income.) I realized that if I took a trip and didn’t buy any “souvenirs” and ate locally, I would be able to save my per diem and start to pay down my credit card debt.  To test my theory, I started to tentatively plan a trip to visit my brother. I emailed him to see if he was available for a specific weekend and truly made plans to visit him by looking at airfare, flight times, and car rentals. Boom, the next day an urgent trip to Mali came up and I had to stay there for over a month. I ate well but on the cheap because I love local food and can eat it without worries (thank you, Peace Corps Benin!). I came home, submitted my expenses and I had over $2,000 to put toward my credit card debt.

I wanted to fully pay off the credit card so I decided to use this quirk again. I then planned a trip to see my parents and did the same thing with checking their availability, flights, etc. Immediately, another urgent work trip came up that I could not have predicted and definitely did not know about-  but my presence was absolutely required. This trip was equally as long as the trip to Mali so I was able to submit my expenses at the end of it, and voila, the credit card debt was paid off.

I have many other examples of these types of astonishing manifestations: Manifestations that occur that I in no way orchestrated other than putting it out there about what I wanted. It’s real and it happened to me so very many times.

The Next Level of Manifesting

As I say, it appears I can manifest my ass off. But is my life any better for it?

I’ve gotten the house, the jobs, the kids, the money. Once I got the job(s), it was exactly the wrong thing. I hated them. And sure I got the money but I didn’t feel abundant and supported. And now that I have the kids, the big wonderful house in the country is too far out. I felt like I kept asking for the “wrong” things and few of the things I asked for actually helped me feel happy. What is a manifesting, co-creator to do when many of the things we’ve asked for have turned to ashes in our hands?

Surrendering to the Divine

In working with Tosha Silver and others, I realize there is a better way. We are creating large parts of our life, consciously and unconsciously. (And I believe some part of our life is about fate and destiny and not at all in our control.  I don’t believe Syrian children chose to be born into a hellish conflict situation. But there are parts of our life that we can co-create and we’re doing it all the time). I see now that all of my machinations, all of my rational step by step ideas of how to get to some future state of happiness, fulfillment, wealth, family life, and more have never taken into account the astonishing and miraculous ways the Divine can make things happen.  And the Divine Beloved, as I call her, can do it without my worrying, stress, and willing something into reality.

The Divine Beloved takes care of the things that need to be done on her side and I’ll be shown what next steps are for me to take. I see that the Divine has her things to do and I have mine.

For me, that means wanting what I want. I’m human. I have my desires and dreams. But I now offer them to the Divine Beloved and surrender them over. For large parts of my life, I only want what’s in my highest good and the highest good of all. (And yes, I really want a million+dollars as my highest good but only truly if it’s my highest good. I don’t want to hurt others in getting my desires fulfilled and I don’t want anyone diminished in the act of manifesting). And when I wake up to where I am grasping desperately to certain situations or aspects of my life, I surrender that part over to the Divine Beloved.

Every morning before my prayers and meditation session, I ask the Divine Beloved to give to me and to take from me all that I need to be fully surrendered. And I mean everything, if that’s what it takes. It was scary at first but I see that losing what needs to go is the best thing for me. And getting what I need to have is also the best thing for me.

I want the magic and the mystery of the Divine’s in my life. I want to feel the happiness of being present in my life and stepping into the flow rather than desperately clinging to certain circumstance or status. Every day I surrender. And every day, life is that much sweeter even in the midst of painful lessons.

Some Resources

Tosha Silver is all about surrendering to the Divine Beloved. She’s done amazing work on this. David Hawkins’ Letting Go is also a great resource. And much of Steve Pavlina’s work is pretty amazing too.

How About You?

Do you have an astonishing manifestation story of your own? I love hearing about how the Divine works in our lives.

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What Do They Think?

Written by Kate • September 14, 2011 •
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Image Thanks to Christian Revival Network

I was on the phone today with a friend who is making some decisions in his life. He knows what he wants, he knows how to get where he wants to go, and he’s got a plan. The one thing that is holding him back is the worry and fear he has for what “they” will think. Will “they” think he’s being silly pursuing this dream? Will “they” still be his friends? Will “they” disapprove and think badly of him?

“They” have a lot to say and “they” can rule your life if you let them.

Who are “they”, though?

“They” are voices you hear in your head that are, in fact, all the worries, fears, criticism and negativity you’ve ever encountered, both from yourself and from others in your life, that has stuck with you. “They” are the thoughts and ideas that keep you living small.

I had a run with what “they” thought recently myself and I was glad to experience it again so I could banish it from my mindset.  I got a speeding ticket in town the other day. I was trying to play an audible book on my iPhone and I wasn’t paying attention. After I got the ticket, I drove away and realized I was feeling a surprising sense of shame about the ticket.

So I examined my thoughts, as Byron Katie would advise, and I realized that I was thinking about what “they” would think. As in, “they” will think badly of me because I got this ticket. I shook off the belief by going through the exercises below, pulled another part of my power into my own solar plexus [having unknowingly left this little bit external to me for too long], and continued on my way, stronger for the experience. I was actually happy I got the ticket. How else would I have known I thought that?

If you realize that you care too much about what “they” think, here are some tips I’ve used to overcome the feeling that I’ve just failed to live up to some unknown rule:

#1.- Ask yourself who “they” are.  Sometimes the voice of what “they” would think is actually something I would imagine my mother, my friend, my sister, my partner, or some specific person in my life would say to me if they were with me physically in the moment.  It can help to know you’re channeling your mom’s voice from 20 years ago, for example.

And once you know who they are, you can actually have a conversation with that person [in your head] and let them know that they no longer have the power to control your actions. And ask yourself if “they” would really want you to live your life in small and unhappy ways based on something they said but that you interpreted differently than what they said. And if the answer is no, then you can wrap yourself in the feeling that really, “they” want you to be your best. And if the answer is yes, they do want you to live small, then it’s time for you to do some work on being OK with disappointing people and removing the power they have over you. You’ll have to do that at some point any way. So why not now?

#2.  Ask yourself why what “they” think is more important that what you think. This one may seem obvious but what it really does is get at your need for approval, your deep fears of rejection or not being good enough, and your sense of personal power [or lack thereof]. The answer to the question about why what “they” think is more important than what you think is a true sign post to what’s going own with you and your power center.

#3. Feel where the power of worrying about what “they” think is. You can almost feel that when you worry about what “they” think -or a specific person in your life- you’ve given your power away. Your power over the situation is external to you and that’s why you feel so shaky about going against what “they” will think.  Once you’ve gone through the thought exercise of points 1 and 2 above, imagine absorbing the power that had been outside of you right into your third chakra, your solar plexus, and owning the decision on how you’ll proceed.  With this act of pulling your power into you, you’ll feel surprisingly more powerful and grounded than you had.  It can be a bit of a rush!

 

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What Are You Doing For Approval?

Written by Kate • September 8, 2011 •
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ApprovedWhat will you do for approval? If you’re not sure how far you’ll go or if you’re living a purpose-filled life, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you ignore what your gut and heart are telling you?
  • Do you allow someone else to tell you how to live your life? How to spend your day?
  • Do you live in fear of disappointing others?
  • Do you ignore your own dreams in order to keep the peace?
  • Do you play small and waste your life thinking you need someone’s approval before you follow your dreams?

No? Are you sure? The following are 4 ways to know if you’re following your dreams rather than living in order to gain approval.

Approval Not Required

#1. You know what it’s like to disappoint and worry others and it’s OK.  One of the easiest ways to disappoint others or make them worry  is by listening to your own internal guidance.  If you haven’t regularly disappointed a lot of people in your life, that you’re not living your own life.

#2. The phrase “keeping the peace” doesn’t resonate with you at all. If you’re still working on keeping the peace with your husband, boyfriend, partner, Mom, Dad, or sister about how you spend your time, what you do with your day, and  even sometimes what you think about and explore, then you still care more about what they want than what you want.  Because when you’ve gotten to the place in your life that you know how to follow your own road, there is no peace to keep. It’s already peaceful because you’re living your purpose. The people in your life are supportive of your path or they’ve fallen silent [or away]. Following your purpose helps you see who supports you and you is holding you back because of their own fears and limiting beliefs.

#3. You have a clear sense of where you’re going and why. To know in your gut, in your heart that you’re on the right path means you’ve veered down a few wrongs paths, turned around, and started again.  The only way to have clarity about your purpose, about your why is to have begun to act on the knowledge of what you want to do in this world. When you’ve acted on your beliefs and made changes in your life that are map to your own ideas , you stopped living for another’s approval.

#4. You’re often a little bit scared. You know that you’re expanding your life, living a bit bigger each week, reaching for new and better opportunities the more scared you are. And it’s great to be a little scared with what you’re daring to do. And it means you’re risking disapproval, failure, and change.  A little bit scared means you’re exactly on the right path.

If you’ve just realized that you’re sacrificing too much of yourself to keep someone else’s approval, it’s ok. We all start there! Just begin to ask yourself why their approval means so much to you, why their way of living life is more valid than how you want to live,  and if their approval is worth the pain of living such a small life.  Then take one small step towards living how you want to live. Go out with your friends on your own. Spend the evening in your room by yourself. Get up early and write a poem. And then incorporate another habit that resonates with the life you want to live..and then another and another.

It all adds up to a big, sparkly life that makes YOU happy.*

*Isn’t that what someone who truly loves you would want for you?

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Meditating with Delight

Written by Kate • August 17, 2011 •
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My view one morning this summer visiting a lake

As anyone who’s tried to meditate knows, meditating can be quite difficult at times. I know it’s taken me a good long year or more to finally realize there is no “right” way to meditate.  When I first began, I actually had the hardest time just setting aside the time. I resisted even the thought of meditating.  And then after a month or more, I would be able to sit for just 5 minutes until I had to lunge up off the cushion. And then I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to meditate for a few days. But gradually it took. First 5 minutes,  then 8, then 10, then 13, then 15, then 19 and so on. Now, I feel edgy and unsettled if I don’t start my day with just a 10 minute meditation [which seems really short to me now!]

Even so, some days my monkey mind is an entity that won’t be tamed. Some days I’ve gone on a long trail of unconscious thinking and it’s seems like I’ve been gone thinking for most of my session before I’ve caught myself. Some days 15 minutes feels like an eternity. But then I return to the moment, to my intentions, and the remaining 10 minutes seem to speed by.

I follow my breathe some times. I say a mantra other times. Still other times, I try to engage my third eye and “experience divinity”.  They all work sometimes and sometimes they don’t. And many days, the 25 or so minutes that I meditate seem like some of the best of my life.

I also have found that adding 15 minutes of stillness to my day adds a great deal to my meditation practice. 15 minutes of stillness is not 15 minutes of meditating, figuring out what’s next, what I forgot to do, or really doing anything. Instead, I take a few minutes in the early afternoon and enjoy 15 minutes in my sunroom, looking out on the hills that surround my house. I don’t meditate. I don’t try to do anything.  At first, in those 15 minutes of not doing anything, I would fall asleep. But now I just sit and allow my mind to be quiet. Sometimes it takes off but now my mind seems to know this is our quiet time to just be.

Tonight, I did another round of meditation just because it felt like the right thing to do. And it was magical and I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have heeded the call. It was 15 minutes of pure delight, that welled in my belly and rose up through my whole body. I found myself laughing with the delight and savored every moment. It was the easiest meditation session I’ve had in ages. I didn’t want it to end.

I went into this meditation with the intention to be open to God, to be guided, and to just trust how things unfold. And I was able to spend the next 15 minutes meditating in pure delight.

If you’d like to try it, don’t stress out about the length of time. 5 minutes is a wonderful start!  Take some time to set your intention about what you’d like your session to help you with. Then set your timer and let whatever happens unfold. It may not be magical every time, but the delight that awaits you- it’s worth your time and energy!

What are some of your best meditation techniques? Anything you’d recommend?

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How To Succeed at Getting Things Accomplished

Written by Kate • August 15, 2011 •
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For some people, it’s comparatively easy to accomplish whatever they’ve set their mind to. They’ve learned, practiced, and implemented high productivity habits. And for others, it can seem like their list is so long, their need to great, that they’ll never get it all done in this life time. And so they give up. Only to try again. Only to give up. And then try again. But it’s often because they shoot too high, with a too aggressive time frame, and without consistent action. I’m here to tell tell you that, in fact, it’s absolutely possible to break this cycle as well as to actually accomplish whatever it is you’re looking to do.

The way to success is through focus and consistent action.

Focus- First you must focus on only one or two intentions at a time. If you’re trying to accomplish too many intentions at anyone time, you’re going to spend too much time, action and mental energy trying to keep everything in the air but too little time on each intention to ensure it is accomplished. Instead, with an unwavering focus on the one [or two] intentions that are the most important to you right now, you can not only devote the necessary time and mental energy to get a top priority for you done, but the sense of action and completion will sustain you in the time to come- when your energy or gusto temporarily abandons you.

Consistent Action – This is an equally important factor in accomplishing anything. Sailing through in the first few days or week is easy with the original energy and enthusiasm helping you to focus on the top priorities.  But by creating space, perhaps 30 minutes three evenings a week, to action and getting something definitive done will help create a new habit of productivity that will help you knock down each task along the way.

I know you want to get everything done right now and have it all accomplished. But that kind of all or nothing thinking keeps the tasks unaccomplished and your ability to get things done diminished.  Get clear and break it down to do-able steps, and STRETCH out your time frame for accomplishing it. Hey, you haven’t been able to accomplish it..what’s another 2 or 3 months to actually accomplishing what you’ve been trying to…for years maybe?

Once you’ve gotten an internal commitment to focus on just one thing and outlined the time you’re going to devote to taking consistent action without excuses, then the following 10 steps are a great action plan.

1. Identify Accomplishment/Destination. Write out the accomplishment you’re ready to tackle. Writing it out on a piece of paper [or laptop] is important for both clarity in understanding what you’re trying to achieve and for claiming your accomplishment, even before it’s achieved.

2. Identify the 10 most important tasks. Write out the 10 most important tasks that you need to take to get this accomplished. There may be more but focus on just the 10 most important tasks to get done right now for that task.

3. Prioritize. Prioritize the next three tasks, of the 10 listed in Point 2, that should be done first. By trying to get all 10 important tasks done, before you built your up your productivity habits, you will probably end up with another failed effort because the list is just too huge for you now.

4.  Break it down to bite-size pieces/do-able tasks. Break out each of these three tasks into three little tasks, so that you have a total of 9 tasks to accomplish. By taking the most important three tasks and breaking them down further, you’re teaching yourself about what it really takes to get big goals accomplished. It also creates a do-able action plan that allows you to both actually get lots accomplished and get a sense of accomplishment.

5. Map it out on a 30-day plan. Create a new document called your 30-day plan, with 2 columns. In this document, put the nine tasks down in the left hand column and the dates by which you want to have each task accomplished- in a realistic timeframe.

6. Stay focused. Work just these 9 tasks. Don’t try to start new tasks. Don’t add to your list. When you feel like you could be doing more or different tasks, come back to this list and remember this is the plan.

7. Knock’em each down. Take consistent action. Work each of the 9 tasks, one after the other. Remember the time you set aside and respect the intention and commitment. Work for the 30 minutes on the nights you said would.

8. Enjoy the accomplishment.  One of the most important parts of getting anything done is to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Step back to enjoy the sense of both moving forward to your goal, as well as the sense of accomplishment. What can you do to notice what you’ve gotten accomplished? A daily accomplishment list? A weekly one? No matter what it is, be sure to take in the smell of success!

9. What are the 10 next tasks? Now that you’ve gone the three most important higher level tasks accomplished, what are now the 10 most important tasks? [Hint: they may have changed now that you’re down the road a bit].  Return to Step 2 and continue down the following steps.

10. Rinse and Repeat until done. Continue getting 9 tasks per done as your focus. Keep your focus like a laser on just this month’s 9 steps. IF, and that’s a really important IF and quite a conditional one, you’ve truly respected your 30 minutes, three times a week [or whatever time you committed to set aside], and you’ve found it relatively easy to set it aside, you can also consider expanding the time devoted to this task by 5 or 10 minutes.  But be sure to drop back if you find yourself less willing to devote 40 minutes rather than 30.

Productivity, like weight training, is a habit and one that takes practice, in small chunks, to get used to and to make effortless. By getting clear about the one thing you want to accomplish, the concrete next 9 tasks to work on in the next month, and taking consistent action, you will soon be a productive champ!

What methods have you used to successfully get something accomplished?

 

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